The Learning Mindset Organization

Leadership talks with: Monique Borst, International Board of Experts.

Empathy remains an often overlooked yet vital leadership competency, especially in the face of change and innovation. Leaders who actively practice empathy, both toward their teams and themselves, are better equipped to foster an environment of openness, trust, and collaboration. By acknowledging and addressing the emotional realities of their teams, leaders can build stronger relationships, reduce resistance to change, and ultimately drive greater innovation. Empathy not only bridges the gap between a leader’s vision and their team’s fears but also creates a culture where everyone feels valued and supported in the journey of transformation.

To shed more light on this, I interviewed Monique, an international leadership expert for The Learning Mindset organization. What triggered this interview was our shared surprise that many leaders, who reflected on their strengths as learning leaders using the Learning Mindset Profilers, were unaware of this pitfall in themselves.

In this article, we therefore aim to highlight the importance of empathy in leadership. We explore what empathy is, why many leaders fall short in this area, and focus on how self-empathy plays a crucial role in maintaining composure and authenticity as a leader. Furthermore, we examine how a lack of self-empathy can create a gap between leaders and their teams, resulting in an environment where innovation and growth are stifled.

Monique, can you explain why so many of the executives we spoke to were surprised by their relatively low empathy scores? Why is empathy more than simply showing compassion for a sick family member or colleague who has burnout? What does empathy mean in relation to employees’ readiness for change?

What we discover is that many leaders often confuse empathy with sympathy. Empathy is being aware of another person’s feelings and emotions and sensing them from their perspective, which is much more profound than sympathy. It is genuinely caring about someone who is going through something difficult or painful. This also means that as an empathic leader, you actively empathise with another person’s emotions, being able to sense and acknowledge them. Yet this is not a trait that many leaders naturally possess.

A strong empathic ability is crucial in times of increasingly rapid change and we see that initiatives meet resistance because the leader is unaware of what is holding employees back due to previous experiences, expectations and uncertainty. Empathy then helps to acknowledge your team’s views, respect them and guide them through the transition.

Moreover, empathy brings in the perspective of the change agent, namely the leader himself when he shares his motivations and expectations and opens up to feedback during the process. However, many leaders feel uncomfortable in this situation and often radiate frustration instead of opening up to create a safe space for their team members. A space in which the leader himself can also share his uncertainty and emotions with the team.

You have also noticed in your practice that many leaders struggle to show empathy, especially when their teams do not follow their lead. How does this lack of empathy affect leadership effectiveness, and what are some ways to improve it?

During necessary changes or when leaders feel a sense of urgency to move forward quickly with their plans, they are often so focused on the outcome that it’s easy to overlook empathy. However, I have observed significant benefits for leaders, their teams, and the overall culture when leaders take the time to pause and ask a few simple questions. Particularly in nurturing trust and openness to change.

To demonstrate empathy, the key often lies in saying as little as possible as a leader. Additionally, avoid the trap of offering assumed solutions to problems you think exist in other people’s minds. Instead, try to imagine what the other person is feeling and say, ‘I hear this is unpleasant for you,’ ‘I can imagine this is not easy,’ or ‘It’s understandable that you feel this way.’

Furthermore, as a leader, it is beneficial to regularly reflect on resistance and prepare for it by asking yourself: What does this change look like, and how does it feel for the team members who will be affected? Have I ever felt this way in a similar situation? What can I do to help them navigate this transition with less stress?

We’ve already discussed self-empathy, a competence often overlooked in leadership. How can a leader practice self-empathy, especially in stressful situations where frustrations can run high?

Self-empathy is actually a very powerful competence, especially in today’s world, which seems to be becoming increasingly artificial. It’s essential to recognize what it means to be human, and this begins within: be gentle with yourself first if you want to be gentle with others. This means accepting yourself even when you fail or fall short. Learning Leaders have the ability to stand up for others and guide them through change by first acknowledging their own emotions.

I like to explain this by noting that leadership success is linear and non-linear, much like our human journey. It is linear because we work toward goals and milestones, integrating them into the business with accountability. But it is also non-linear because we deal with the human, emotional aspects of achieving those goals and milestones, the different perspectives, limiting self-concepts, the “stories,” the hidden motivators, and so on.

We often see today that many leaders get frustrated, often unconsciously, when things don’t go as they had hoped. Yet they don’t acknowledge these emotions; instead, they push them away. They condemn themselves for feeling disappointment, anger, sadness, or fear. However, these are genuinely human experiences, and these emotions are often transient. We must be aware these are red flags and that ignoring them can lead to secondary emotions such as guilt, regret, and shame, which are much more intense. It’s often only then that leaders become aware of their emotions and realize that their suppressed feelings have also affected others.

Learning leaders, who are aware of this, learn to listen to their own emotions. They become curious about what triggers their feelings and why. They stand up for themselves and recognize that it’s okay to make mistakes and acknowledge difficult emotions simply as data. Through this practice of self-empathy, they create more peace not only for themselves but also for others, who feel safe and confident in expressing their own emotions. Empathy and self-empathy, therefore, work together to create a safe professional environment where innovation encounters less resistance.

From our research, it is striking that many leaders still struggle to understand why others resist change. Do you have a final tip on how empathy can help leaders bridge the gap between their vision and their team’s fear of innovation?

As a leader, it can be easy to forget what it feels like to be on the frontline, and it is tempting to dismiss discomfort or label it as ‘resistance.’ Leaders can foster a culture of openness by slowing down and connecting with the people involved, where change hits hardest. Acknowledging their concerns and asking what they need helps leaders appreciate different perspectives.

I suggest having team conversations at regular intervals to discuss these persistent challenges. This begins with framing employee discomfort as a collective issue rather than an individual one. These moments of open communication, built on trust, serve the important purpose of surfacing and acknowledging the emotional realities of work that might otherwise be ignored. Moreover, they actively help team members learn to address these realities productively.

In the sessions we lead, I often observe that when some people share how they are affected by changing and uncertain work situations, others validate their experience by actively listening. This group exercise in empathy is especially powerful when many people perceive the situation differently. Through this collective engagement, real bonds are forged, and we begin to see change as a shared experience. In this collective, everyone is both an individual and part of a common goal, with empathy ensuring the broadest possible support. Such an inclusive approach strengthens cooperation and improves people’s ability to adapt to change and innovate.

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The Learning Mindset Organisation’s mission is to support individuals, teams and organisations in developing much-needed learning mindsets.  To this end, we not only offer global services such as keynotes, consulting, coaching and human-centred innovation, but have also developed unique Learning Mindset Profilers with AI and coaching options based on Jana Gutierrez Kardum’s and Katja Schipperheijn’s expertise and research for the book The Learning Mindset.  The purpose of these profilers is to help you reflect on your mindset, after which you can use the results to relate to and reframe it. Both the free profiler and the profiler for professionals and teams are connected to the five drives that underpin your learning mindset But remember, the total score isn’t what matters, it’s the progress you choose to make that truly counts.